The sun was just starting to rise over Gotham City. A heavy mist hung in the air, scattering the first bright rays of light. Thick dew lay on every leaf and blade of grass, late streetlamps glowed orange through the fog, and everything came together to make the city sparkle.
The doorbell rang in a first-floor apartment in the heart of the city. A man stumbled to answer it in his robe, yawning and holding a steaming mug of coffee in his hand. There was no one at the door. Blinking the sleep from his eyes, the man looked down at his doormat. Sitting at his feet were a soaked newspaper in its plastic bag…
…and an odd bouquet of green and white flowers.
He picked up the strange bouquet and brought it to his face, taking a few sniffs. Almost instantly, a feeling started to spread through his body—in through the throat, down into the lungs, seeping into his blood. He felt suddenly lightheaded; breathing was harder than he remembered. He realized that he was laughing, a high, crazed cackle pouring from his lips. He was choking on the laughter, he couldn’t breathe, something was stretching back the muscles in his face…
They would find him a few hours later, lying by the open door, dead and pale with a smile on his face.
0-0-0-0-0
“…sudden rash of biological attacks sweeping Gotham city. Citizens are advised to keep their doors and windows closed, and remain indoors until further notice. Police Commissioner James Gordon had this to—“
Renee’s hand slammed into her clock radio at 9:01, cutting off the smooth female voice.
She sat up in bed, shaking tangled hair out of her face. She rubbed her eyes, slid over the side of the bed into a pair of warm slippers, and forced herself up and into the kitchen for breakfast.
Armed with a donut and a cup of coffee, she turned on the televised version of the morning news.
“…police promising that they’ll update us as information becomes available. If you’re just tuning in, we repeat our warning to avoid strangers, and to keep kids and pets inside until we have more information on this bizarre story.”
Renee clicked off the TV and sighed. It was going to be one of
those days.
She sat for a while, tapping her fingers against the coffee mug, resisting the itch to turn the news back on. She didn’t last too long.
“…keep following this pressing story.”
Click.“…Back to you, Marsha.”
“Thanks, Tom. Our top story this morning, seven people have been found dead at the doors of their homes, the victims of what looks like a biological terrorist attack. The victims include men and women of varied races, all living close to the center of Gotham. The cause of death is as yet unknown, but a poison of some kind is said to be the most likely cause.”
Renee grabbed the remote and froze the picture that came up on the screen. A couple, laid out in their kitchen with matching hideous grins. Their skin had gone pale, lips bright red. She gulped. She’d seen that face before.
She clicked the remote again and the news re-started. “Ladies and gentlemen, we wish that we could say ‘April Fool’s,’ but this story is absolutely true.”
Renee glanced at her tear-off calendar, pulling off yesterday. April first.
“Well, that seals it,” she mumbled to herself. She reached for the phone and nearly jumped when it rang before she could reach it.
0-0-0-0-0
In an old, decrepit part of Gotham Central Park, there had once been a small amusement park where all the young couples spent their Sunday afternoons. After a tragic drowning incident in the Tunnel of Love, the park had been shut down and subsequently abandoned. Stray cats and dogs roamed the area now, and a film of pollution had settled over the surface of the little river through the spacious cave.
Two weeks before, Harley had stumbled upon the overgrown area and shouted, “It’s perfect!”
Now, she skipped back to the newly-furnished hideout, portable radio in hand, bright blue eyes sparkling with glee.
“Mister J!” she yelled, as she had taken to calling him, “listen to this!”
“…reports now confirm that the infamous criminal known only as the Joker has indeed escaped from Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane. The public is warned that the Joker is extremely dangerous, and is never to be considered unarmed. Speculation is rampant as to whether Joker’s escape is tied to the mysterious deaths this morning, but police have made no official statement as of this time.”
Inside the dark cave, the Joker’s ever-present smile widened.
“Wonderful!” he cried, stepping closer to the light at the end of the cave, where Harley stood in her full henchman regalia. He had to admit that the girl had a style. She’d even started to wear thick white greasepaint to match him. As minions went, she was far from the worst.
“Ooh, this is so great, Mister J!” Harley skipped around the tunnel in her excitement, baubles bouncing on her jester’s hat. “Now everyone’s gonna know you’re back!”
“And better than ever,” Joker added, standing still in the middle of her circle with his hands folded behind his back. “Now focus, Harley, and go get the next batch. They’re all
so expecting a big finish, and who are we to keep them waiting?”
“You got it!” Still prancing, Harley made her way over to where the bouquets were being kept in the cave. She stopped then, picking one up gingerly. “Er, Mister J? You got that antidote…didn’tcha?”
“Of course, Harley my dear. You know I wouldn’t let anything happen to
you.”
Satisfied, Harley gathered up flowers and hurried off to do her job, though she was still careful to point them away from her face.
The Joker laughed as he watched her go.
Good help wasn’t so hard to find, after all, he thought. All he had to do was make her think she was special.
0-0-0-0-0
Poison Ivy woke up to the news that morning, and the first things she heard made her blood start to boil.
“…described to us as a rare strain of poppy grown only in South America. It is unknown how the terrorist came across these flowers, and how he was able to give them this toxic effect. Be warned, Gotham, that as of now thirteen people have been killed.”
“Rare strain…” Ivy muttered, sitting up and stretching out her back. “What’s this all—“
Ding-dong“…about?” Ivy finished her question as she got up to answer the door. She moved lithely through her little house in her light nightgown, brow furrowed.
A green-and-white bouquet greeted Ivy at her doorstep. She bent to pick it up and looked out at the undeveloped land around her little house. She caught only a glimpse of black and red scurrying away.
Ivy sniffed the flowers, she suddenly understood the sense of panic that had come upon the city.
“Poisoned…” she said, inspecting the bouquet closely. “And they are rare.”
Then, almost out of nowhere, she remembered the late-night meeting she’d had a couple of weeks before, and it all made sense.
Dropping the bouquet on a table, Ivy strode back inside and grabbed her telephone.
0-0-0-0-0
“Hello?”
“You’ve got work to do, Batgirl.”
“What’s going on? I heard about this weird flower thing—“
“Tip-off says it’s Joker.”
Renee went white. “That’s what I thought. But Joker’s—“
“—Escaped,” finished Barbara’s voice. “Arkham tried to keep it away from the public. They’re saying now they didn’t want anyone to panic.”
“Oh Jesus Christ,” Renee swore, pushing her hair back from her forehead. “What tip-off?”
“She didn’t want a name. But she wanted to meet you ASAP on the South side of Gotham Central Park. Be careful, Renee,” Barbara added.
“Don’t need to tell me twice.” Renee hung up the phone, focusing only on breathing to calm herself down.
0-0-0-0-0
Batgirl swung into a shadowed area of the park twenty minutes later, tensed for action and ready for anything. Even so, she was startled when she recognized the figure waiting in the shade.
“Don’t look so happy to see me,” said Ivy, lowering the hood on her jacket.
“What do you want?”
“To help you. Unless you want to be hostile. I don’t
have to tell you what I know.” But the threat rang hallow. Renee was amazed at the tone of worry—of pain, even—staining Ivy’s voice.
“Tell me.”
“It’s definitely Joker,” Ivy said without more delay. She wasn’t looking Renee in the eye.
Inside the black gloves, Renee’s fist clenched. “He only escaped last night.”
“He’s got a partner now.” Ivy stepped slowly around a tree, resting a white hand on its bark. “I saw Harley Quinzel on the outside weeks ago. She’s been setting this up since she sprung it, just waiting for the right moment.”
“Where are they?” Renee almost growled. The show of aggression helped to mask the bitingly cold feeling in her stomach.
“I don’t know. But I know I saw Harley passing out the flowers. If we find her, I know we can find him.”
A bit of the stern grimace fell away from Renee’s face. “We?”
“Yes, we. I told you, I want to help.”
“But why?”
Ivy looked past Renee, to a small, wilting rosebush planted next to a water fountain. Her face was steeled with a cold anger. “You know what I can do with plants, but you have no idea how deep my connection goes. I got one of those bouquets, and I could hear the flowers crying.” She bit down on her bottom lip, bringing her eyes up to meet Batgirl’s. “Could you imagine being shot full of poison? Every fiber of your body in agony, and kept alive to bring the same pain to someone else?” After a moment’s silence, Ivy continued. “The Joker is a deranged maniac. I don’t want him on the outside any more than you do. He’s hurting things that the both of us care about. And we both know you need all the help you can get.”
There was a long silence before Renee said, “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet,” warned Ivy, bringing her hood back up to cover her fiery hair. “We have to find Harley first.”
0-0-0-0-0
By now, the sun was climbing high in the Gotham sky, and the red of Harley’s costume shone brightly as she skipped along the streets.
She wasn’t all that surprised to turn a corner and find Ivy standing there. The way her life was going these days, very little would have surprised her. “Heya, Ivy!” Harley was, however, slightly confused by Ivy’s hostile look. “What’s goin’ on?”
“What’s going on?” Ivy repeated incredulously. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, Harley?”
“Oh, don’tcha like ‘em? Me and Mister J worked just ages on getting ‘em, this was the only kind we could think of that grew green!” she beamed.
It was taking all of Ivy’s strength not to knock the bouquets out of Harley’s arms, and at least stop their heartbreaking, pitiful cries.
“What’s wrong? I got the idea from you!” The pigtails on Harley’s hat started to droop. “What with all your little trick flowers and—“
“Trick!? Do you think what you’re doing is some sort of a game?” Ivy bit her lip to hold back the deluge of angry comments flying through her mind. Instead, she only said quietly, “You can’t hear them.”
“Huh?”
“They’re in
pain, Harley. Whatever Joker did to them is agony. It’s only hurting the flowers.”
“Not to mention the fifteen people last count.” Batgirl dropped down from a rooftop to the ground.
Harley went immediately on the offensive, or as much as she could with her arms full. “Hey, no fair! you can’t take me! I ain’t goin', you hear me? We’re not done yet!”
Renee stepped up next to Ivy, eying Harley warily. “The game’s over, Ms. Quinzel—“
“No no, it’s Quinn. Harley Quinn!” she corrected.
Renee and Ivy exchanged looks. “Okay…I’m going to offer you a deal, Harley,” said Renee, trying another tack. “Because I know you don’t want to go back to Arkham, and I don’t want to fight you for it. If you tell me where the Joker is—“
“Nuh-uh, no deal! If you think I’m just gonna tell you all about my old carnival and rat out Mister J, well you got another thing comin’!” Harley folded her arms triumphantly before she realized what she had said. Her eyes widened, and one poisoned bouquet dropped on to the ground. “Oops.”
Renee let the smirk spread her face for only a moment before she took off.
“No, wait! He’s, ah, he’s at the docks!” Harley called after her, too late.
Ivy started off after Batgirl, but Harley grabbed her arm to stop her, dropping the rest of the flowers. “Oh please, Ivy, come on, we gotta stop her stoppin’ him!”
“I don’t,” said Ivy coldly. “I’ve got a full mind to go and help her.”
“But you can’t! Mister J’ll be furious if he finds out I told! Can’tcha just let it go?”
Ivy’s glare was all the answer it needed to be.
Harley couldn’t quite manage a glare back, but she did pout. “I thought we were friends! And now you’re gonna do a thing like this?”
No answer. Ivy simply turned around and walked quickly down the street.
Harley ran the other way, poisoned flowers forgotten on the sidewalk. She turned several sharp corners and hopped a fence, taking the fastest possible way back to the hideout.
She whimpered as she ran. “Mister J’s gonna kill me!”
0-0-0-0-0
The Joker sat at a fold-out poker table on a breaking chair that Harley had been able to find. The quality of the place didn’t matter much right now, he would be able to turn the dumpy tunnel into a fetching hideout in due time. For now, he listened contentedly to the hand-held radio, drinking in his renewed infamy like a fine wine.
“…at last count, fifteen deaths, and the local Poison Control reports dozens of calls. According to the police, the toxin may now be airborne, and citizens are strongly advised to remain indoors and away from windows as much as possible. And now, Kathy Corona with our traffic and—“
Joker clicked off the radio, wanting to hear his own laughter. He did, but he also heard an unexpected and unwelcome shout coming from outside.
“Mister J, Mister Joker, she’s comin’!”
Joker held back an irritated grimace and repositioned his smile as Harley ran breathless into the tunnel.
“Batgirl’s found us out!”
“What?” The dangerous glint in his sunken eyes was lost on Harley as she stooped, panting from her run
“She knows where we are I think and I know she’s comin’ here and Ivy’s with her and we gotta get outta here, Mister J!”
Once again, the Joker began to laugh. Harley looked up at him, confusion and surprise on her face. Then before she could blink, his hand was tight around her neck.
“And could you tell me
why Batgirl knows where we are, my little Harley Quinn?”
“Oh, Mister J I’msorryI’msorryI’msorry!” she squeaked around his hand, grabbing at it and trying to break away.
He shoved her roughly against the stone wall of the tunnel, letting go of her throat, but not moving away. Harley looked up at him, eyes wide with terror. The grin painted onto his skin made him all the scarier.
“You know, they say good henchmen are hard to find.” Both Harley and the Joker whipped their heads around toward the voice from outside. Batgirl stepped into the dark cave, light from the bright sun behind her giving her an almost eerie glow. “You sure you wanna get rid of one like her?”
The Joker stepped away from the wall, all of his attention focused on the new arrival. His smile spread wider across his face and the mad eyes glittered.
“Well look what the Bat dragged in,” he said slowly, advancing on Renee, Harley forgotten.
Renee kept a straight face, staring the Joker down. She was tensed, ready to spring or run, keeping her muscles stretched tight to stop herself from shaking.
“You’re a new one, aren’t you? I guess old Batty just keeps on adding to his collection!” The Joker started to pace, and Renee countered his every movement. They were locked into the fighter’s dance, each waiting for the right moment to pounce.
“Nobody collected me,” said Renee, glancing around the tunnel to get her bearings when she dared take her eyes off of him, “but I know more than a couple nice men in white coats who’d be more than happy to come collect you.”
“But then I wouldn’t be able to add to
my collection! I know all of Gotham is
dying for me to finish!” The Joker laughed wildly at his own joke, and Renee felt her fist clench so tightly that it hurt. Behind the action, Harley still stood against the wall, watching in silence.
“Everyone knows that poison was yours,” started Renee, keeping her fear in check and talking herself down in her mind.
Keep him busy. Stall. But not too long.“Of course it was! You don’t think anyone else in Gotham could have pulled off a prank like this?” Joker dropped the tense rhythm, walking right past Renee to look out of the tunnel mouth. Batgirl twisted around, anxious to keep her front facing him. “And what
did you think of my Joker Toxin, little Batgirl?”
“Very impressive,” Renee conceded. “You always knew how to make an impression.”
“And now I get to make all of Gotham do
my impression!” The laughter boomed around the tunnel and spilled outside, scaring away a small flock of pigeons. “It’s brilliance, if I say so myself. Have you gotten to see any of them go, little Batgirl?” Joker added with a nasty grin, looking slightly over his shoulder back at her. “They love my joke so much, they laugh themselves to death!”
“You’re a real piece of work,” said Renee softly. “A delusional, psychopathic maniac.”
“Oh, you’re too kind. I hope you aren’t going to ask for my autograph, I just don’t do those, you know.”
Renee glared at him, standing still and tensed. “I’m sick of you already.”
“What, I don’t entertain?” Joker asked, spreading his arms theatrically and turning back to Renee. “But the Batties never did have a sense of humor.” He paused for a moment, looking pensively at something only he could see. “I’ll have to play a different game with you, won’t I?”
“No games, Joker. No tricks, no pranks. You have an antidote to this thing.” Renee hoped that no part of her bluff could be heard in her voice.
“And if I do?”
“You’re going to give it to me.”
The Joker chuckled again. “I am, am I? You know, Batty, you’re almost funny enough to keep talking to me.” The smile took on an even more sinister quality. “Almost, but not quite.”
As if on cue, Harley took a flying leap and landed on Renee’s back, throwing her arms around the other girl’s neck. Renee lurched forward, taken completely by surprise. Even Joker hadn’t expected Harley’s sudden move—both opponents had forgotten about the clown behind Batgirl.
The Joker threw back his head and laughed as Harley wrestled Renee to the ground, sitting on her back. “That’s fer trickin’ me into telling!”
“What are you doing?” yelled Renee, trying to shake the other girl off.
“I’m helping my Mister J!”
“Attagirl, Harley!” The Joker grinned and began to walk away from the fight. “Stall her for a while, willya?” With nothing more, he left the women, turning his back on their fight to look around at his bouquets.
But the Joker did not see what he expected to. Instead of the pristine green and white of his favored flowers, there was only a ruin of stem, leaf and petal, slashed and broken on the small rock shelf where they had been. And next to the wet green ruin, there was a small, fresh bit of an ivy vine.
Joker almost missed the redhead hiding in a shadowed corner, but she couldn’t fight back a poorly-timed sneeze.
“Well look at that, our little bat wasn’t alone!” The Joker cackled, and Ivy stood up to show a dress covered in leaf shavings. “Fancy meeting you here.”
“Pleasure’s all yours,” Ivy replied dryly. She glanced over to where Harley and Renee were still fighting.
“Not mine.” Joker placed an exaggerated frown on his chalk-white face. “You’ve ruined my wonderful joke! Do you have any idea how much Harley paid for those?”
“Not nearly as much as you’re going to pay for what you’ve done to them.”
“Oh-ho! Brave words…” Joker paced around a still Ivy, hands folded behind his back, “…for a plant.”
Ivy didn’t take the bait. She only stood against the stone, searching for what she knew had to be somewhere.
Near the mouth of the cave, Renee threw Harley off and dodged under the Joker’s folding poker table. When she looked back on that day, she would thank whatever lucky star she had that she had looked up.
“Found it!” she cried, and Harley, Joker and Ivy all turned to look at her. Renee winced inwardly, but grabbed the small glass vial taped to the bottom of the table, swishing the acid-green liquid inside.
Renee wasn’t the only one to recognize the Joker Anti-toxin. “You leave that alone!” cried Harley, and she rushed at Batgirl. But Ivy caught the clown before she could get very far.
“Get it out of here!” Ivy yelled to Renee, who nodded and rolled silently out from under the table. To the Joker, Ivy called, “Think fast!” and shoved Harley in his direction. When Joker reached out instinctively to grab her, Ivy turned tail and sprinted out of the tunnel.
“Wait a minute!” Harley yelled after the two retreating figures, starting to take off after them. But Joker squeezed her forearm tightly, keeping her right where she was.
“No,” he said quietly, his eyes following Batgirl’s dark form as it fled. “Let them go, for now.”
0-0-0-0-0
Renee was beginning to wish for a remote-control tea kettle. In the recent months, a mug of Barbara’s strong brew had been a relaxing lifesaver when she watched TV at the end of a long, tense day. Of course, most people didn’t watch the news when they wanted to relax, but Renee found a strange comfort in the evening reports that night.
“…sources confirm Joker’s involvement. While there have been no arrests as of this time, police suspect that there will be no more attacks. The final body count is sixteen, along with numerous complaints of illness, although all living victims report that their symptoms have all but vanished. Should any update on this story become available, we here at Channel 4 will be sure to let our viewers know immediately.”
Renee smiled.
Ivy had wanted no publicity surrounding her rescue of the city. And it had fully been her rescue. With the anti-toxin in hand, Ivy had been able to replicate its chemical formula until there had been enough for everyone the flowers had affected. The only problem left had been distributing it, and Ivy had already developed her plan.
“This was supposed to be a really slick crime one day,” she had explained as the two of them prepared, “But I guess now I’ll have to think of something else.” She had positioned several flowering plants in strategic spots around the city, and on her signal, each flower let off a large quantity of vaporized anti-toxin.
Ivy had wanted none of Renee’s thanks once the chemical had been spread to the rest of the city. “I was planning on using that trick for poison, not antidote. You owe me more than thanks for making me waste it.”
In the end, Renee had owed Ivy her thanks, a pardon for her museum heist, all of the leftover Joker flowers and a generous favor to be named at some point in the future. Renee actually smiled thinking back to it. She wasn’t sure whether or not Ivy had been joking about that last one.
Unfortunately, the uneasy partnership wasn’t part of Ivy’s bargain. Renee hoped that the pair of them might have forged something a little more permanent, or at least the start of something less than animosity. As uncomfortable as Batgirl had been to work with a former enemy, it was always better to have a friend.
Renee switched off the news and went to her window, looking out at what she could see of the sunset. On the street, a group of kids who thought they were tough had spray-painted several colorful words on the side of a brick building. Renee rolled her eyes. She’d always been able to play better April Fool’s tricks than
that. She paused where she was for a moment, before walking to the phone and dialing.
The phone rang several times on the other end. “Yes, hello?”
“Ms. Gordon?” Renee lowered her voice, disguising it as best she could.
“Renee, caller ID.”
“Damn!” But Renee laughed. “Well you’re just no fun.”
“Go prank some dumb teen or something if you have to get your quota in. Once you’ve been a Bat, you don’t get tricked so often.”
“Seriously no fun.”
“But while I have you, you need a congratulation,” Barbara added before Renee could hang up. “I hope you aren’t questioning yourself for letting him go.”
Renee chuckled softly. “I’m a Bat, but I’m not crazy enough to take him myself.”
“And a good thing.” Barbara paused. “You did exactly what you had to. Bruce is proud of you. I am, too.”
A smile crept around Renee’s lips. “Well, you know, he
is still out there. I’m gonna go to bed, tomorrow I start my search.”
“WHAT!?”
“April Fool’s.” Renee laughed out loud to hear Barbara’s irritated sigh and the dial tone met her ear.
0-0-0-0-0
The sun had gone down. Gotham City was dark and as close to quiet as it ever was.
In the abandoned Tunnel of Love, Harley Quinn slept less than soundly. The white make-up covering her face was rubbing off on her costume and on the stone, leaving splotches of white on the ground and pink on her face.
The Joker didn’t even look over at her from his seat. As far as he was concerned, the girl was still worth keeping around. From the way she had begged for forgiveness after her little slip-up, Joker guessed that she knew already what would happen to her if she did it again. And besides, he thought with a grin, she wasn’t half bad in a catfight.
He stepped outside the tunnel, to where the trees and grass stood in the growing starlight, and laughed again.
“But we’re gonna lose, Mister J!” she had told him before. “They’re gonna ruin it all!”
“We’ve already won, my girl,” he had answered. She didn’t ask why, and he didn’t offer an explanation.
He spoke now to no one, to the trees and sky that could never betray or misunderstand him.
“Well Gotham, the sun sets on another cheery day. Sixteen smiling dead!” He raised his arms to the sky. “And now the day’s done, they’re still thinking about me.”
In front of an absent audience, the Joker still put on a show. “Sure, I couldn’t get them all. I never would have. I never wanted to. I got all I wanted, of course. Like always.
“They’ve all got little old me on their minds tonight. They’re all terrified that they’ll be next. Because they all know I’m back.”
The Joker’s laughter spilled out over the empty park. “April Fool’s, Gotham,” he grinned. “You only think you’ve won.”
