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Post by HoM on Apr 7, 2009 19:01:51 GMT -5
I'm trapped.
I'm trapped in some hell dimension, some bizarre backwards world where nothing as it should be.
Except the hell is reality, and the reality is everywhere.* * * I stand as I did when this all began; hands clasped behind my back, still in my golden costume, at the window of my tower. And outside, as ever, it seems, the rain pours down. I half turn my head, listening, but I heard nothing.
Everything is quiet.
Quiet as a tomb... * * * My father was murdered before my very eyes. My wife and baby are gone, kidnapped by an inhumane monster who hates me more than anything in the world. My city is on fire. My identity has been revealed.
My world has crumbled to ruin.* * * I have been as successful as I could have hoped so far. I have taken the first of his family, but not the last. I can see the woman in the chair behind me, struggling, but she has been gagged and I cannot hear her. The child is not here; she is elsewhere, just in case. Soon, I know, soon he will come for me... and then the true pain can begin. Tonight is the night when the Flash line comes to a sudden stop-- when the legacy of that ill--fated lightning bolt ends. Tonight... I will be with Meloni again. * * * My name is Barry Allen….* * * My name is Eobard Thawne…* * * I am the Flash. The Fastest Man Alive.
And tonight, in all likelihood, is the last night of my life. [/i] * * * I turn to look at the woman, tied in the chair, at Iris Allen. She is straining fruitlessly against the electronic restraints, but I can derive no pleasure from her struggles, nor from the look of anger in her eyes. A woman of fiery passion, this one-- but she gave birth mere hours ago and she is in no fit state to resist. I do not care about her. She is entirely incidental, a gnat. I do not view her for any purpose except one; the means to my vengeance on the man she was unfortunate enough to marry.
I suppose I should feel something; triumph, perhaps, or joy. Even guilt-- have I not done terrible things in the name of love?-- or sorrow. But I can feel nothing. There is a crushing, deafening void within me that reaches out and drowns out all emotion, all feeling, and leaves me as black and cold and empty as the distant voids between the stars.* * * “Barry,” Jay is running to me, placing his arms around me. “Oh God, Barry… I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry….”
And he keeps saying that, just mouthing it over and over, but I’m numb, on my knees, just staring at my father’s body. I keep replaying the moment over and over in my head-- his hand starting to close, my running… but he was too fast… and the crack. The crack of his neck, the pop of the bones as they came out of place, the momentary widening of his eyes before they narrowed, so narrow I couldn’t see his irises… his ir… his…
“She’s gone,” I croak, and my voice is hoarse. Ragged. She’s gone. And my baby’s gone too. My darling, the light that has just come into my life, the light I barely got to hold… I would give anything, anything to touch her, to see her, to remember that sweet, sickly scent, that face… the way her little chest heaved and fell as she slept, those tiny fingers… she was so frail, so minute, so fragile…
Jay is telling me that we will get her back, that we will save her, and her mother. He is trying to tell me that everything will be alright.
He is lying.
Nothing will ever be alright again.
I stand unevenly, lurching to my feet. When I walk, it is like a man learning to stand, slowly, awkwardly. I am drowning. I am drowning in life, and the walls of the world are crumbling to ash around me, and it’s just me alone in the eye of the storm as everything I love shatters. I begin to speed up, finding my feet, still silent. I walk out of the ward, past my father’s fallen body, my pulse quickening. The hallways are still broken open-- the police are everywhere, as are the fallen bodies of those who were taken down. The Rogues, I notice, have vanished. I don’t care. It doesn’t matter anymore.
Is this how it feels to be Eobard Thawne, I wonder as I lurch slowly towards the staircase. Adrift in the world, a void of no love or compassion, or even sorrow… of joyless, feeling--less… nothing? I remember the expression on his face. Not cruelty, exactly…. merciless, certainly, but not simply absent of mercy. Absent of… of emotion at all. A black hole. Like me.
Jay is asking me where I am going, he’s trying to restrain me but I shake him off. I walk with purpose now, still silent, my eyes focused. I am descending the stairs towards the main lobby-- now Jay is in front of me, trying to stop me, but I cannot listen to a word he has said.
Crack.
My father’s neck snaps again in my mind’s eye. I cannot reach him. I cannot stop it.
I throw open the doors to the lobby and am greeted by a thousand explosions of searing white lights. Policemen have formed a cordon and are roughly trying to thrust back the crowds surging on all sides, but the cameras are flashing incessantly, their bulbs burning holes in my retinas. I stand dazed for a moment, but only a moment, and then I press on doggedly, walking forwards. I see Max and Johnny shoving through the crowd toward me, shouting something, but I don’t stop to listen. I see the Trickster in handcuffs, laughing hysterically as he sees me, but I do not care about him. I don’t care about any of these people anymore.
For another few seconds, I walk through the cordoned route out, the only safe way through the cameramen and reporters and the vultures that press in on all sides.
My wife is gone. My daughter too. They’re probably dead. They’re in the hands of a maniac. I do not know where they are. I don’t… I can’t…. I’m drowning again, and I don’t know what to do. No--one will reach down to save me, and all my lifelines are being severed one by one. If this is the world, then I don’t want to live in it. My Iris, you were always… always there for me. I need to… we have to… it’s….
…so I do the one thing I always do when all else fails.
I run.
I run faster than I can remember running in a long, long time. In seconds I am clear of the hospital, clear of the Twin Cities, in the countryside. I can hear shouts behind me before I clear the speed of sound; I know Jay is in my slipstream, with Johnny and Max wondering what is going on. I simply ramp up my speed, notching it up ever higher, so that Jay is left behind in seconds.
The world turns to gold around me and still I run; I have looped the Earth itself. Now I am in China; now the Atlantic; now Europe. Waves and sand and grass and snow are all around me in the blink of an eye, but I don’t see them. All I can see is my father, trapped in the grip of a murderer, the light blinking out of his eyes. All I can see is my wife, kidnapped by that same murderer. My daughter, just born-- she’s so weak, so frail… can she even survive without an incubator? Is she alive right now? Will I ever see her, ever hold her again? I can’t stand this world. I need to get out, however I do it.
The world recedes around me now; and I know I have surpassed the speed of light itself. Everything is golden lightning, crashing and flickering on all sides, and I can feel my mind stretch and bend as my body tears itself free of its physical dimensions, shedding its current dimensions like old skin, and I reach out to be free, to vanish into the speed and never return…
…One moment I am running at speeds no speedster has ever travelled before through the plains of Mexico.
And then everything turns to gold… and I am nowhere.
Nowhere at all. * * * “Meloni,” I speak to the computer which controls my tower, but even the mention of that name, which used to spin me into a blaze of emotion, can hardly now stir up a half--hearted shudder in what was once my heart. “He will come soon. When he does, tell him everything. I want him to know why he will die. I want him to know what he did to me. I want him to know that I will never, ever stop. I want it so that when I squeeze the last breath from his body, when he has seen his family die one by one before his eyes, he will know that he deserved it all-- that he brought this upon them.”
That done, I turn and squat down, face blank, and observe the woman for a moment-- she is distressed and weary and terrified, I know, but she does not show it, meeting my stare defiantly. “And I suppose you should know as well,” I say in the end. “It’s not a nice story. Not a pleasant one like the ones you read to your son-- did you read to him? I never read to mine, I never could. I can only imagine what that would have been like. I think I would have liked it, though I shall never know. Not now that your husband has murdered him. And his sister, and his mother, and everything I treasured.”
Once, merely uttering that would have sent me into a frenzy. Now, as I say the terrible words oh--so--calmly, I realise I no longer care, not even for them. All that matters is to end this wretched business, and to finally join them again. I see Iris Allen’s eyes widen, and I press on. “And that is why, Iris Allen, I am going to kill you. And your little daughter, I’m afraid. No, that’s a lie, I’m not afraid at all. I will choke the life from her if I have to, with no regrets. Because that’s what it will take; that’s what it will take for him to know. He took my world from me. Now I will take his.”* * * “Barrrrrryyyyyyy….”
If I had eyes, they would have snapped open. I am floating in another world, another dimension. My consciousness is about to embed with the Speed Force itself, to transcend this plane onto another, to rip from its Earthly confines, never to return. But then that voice comes, and I….
“Barrrrrrry……”
Why do I know it? That voice… it’s so familiar. So very familiar and yet I…. and then it comes to me with a jolt. Iris. She’s alive. She’s alive and she’s out there somewhere. But I can’t leave, not now. I’m in the Speed Force, I ran to free myself, and I’m here, and it’s so good. The universe around me is a cataclysm of golden light and I can’t get out, I can’t….
“Barrrrrry….” How? How do I reach her? I need to… I have to…. and then I can feel it, from nowhere, like a tether in the nothingness, like the rope thrown to a drowning man. I don’t know how I feel it, but I do-- a thread reaching through the Speed Force, a cord. And I grab onto it with both hands. “I’m coming, Iris…. I’m coming….” I begin to pull myself, tugging… and tugging…
“I’m coming….” I give another almighty tug on the tether from nowhere, pulling myself to her, through time and space. Nothing, nothing can stand in my way and… and….
And then I run through the walls of the Speed Force itself and burst into existence again. I have a second chance to save them. And this time… I won’t fail. * * * “Warning. Subject: Allen, Barry, has arrived.”
“Thank you, Meloni,” I acknowledge. Well. He found out then after all, as I suspected-- what speedsters would discover generations after him. When one passes the speed of light-- I can almost hear my father teaching it to me-- one becomes immersed in the Speed Force itself. And when you have someone truly special to you, someone who means everything, you can always find your way back to them. If not…. then the Speed Force will devour you.
She means enough for him to rip himself through reality itself for her. As expected. “Now,” I muse solemnly. “We can begin the Final Act.”* * * The instant I can see again, I search the entirety of the floor in less than a second. Every room, every millimetre. Where there’s a locked door, I vibrate through it, running before it can begin to explode. Nothing. No sign of Carrie, of Iris… of Thawne. I move to go to the next floor, when a voice speaks to me.
“Greetings, Barry Allen.”
I have no idea who it is-- I turn from side to side rapidly, heart pounding. I searched this entire level-- no--one’s here. Has Thawne teleported in somehow? No, it’s not Thawne… But, I realise, I don’t care who it is. That doesn’t matter. Nothing matters, except getting my family back. I don’t have time to waste.
“I am the intelligence that runs Thawne Tower. You may call me Meloni.”
“Where are my family?” I wonder if the machine-- for that’s what that smooth, feminine voice now recognisably is-- can even comprehend me. My nerves scream out that I should keep running, but my head is telling me to slow down for an instant, to see if this can help me. I’m jogging on the spot, restless, already preparing to head to the next level if I have to.
“Your family are not safe.” It’s matter of fact tone only makes its words more chilling. “Do you wish to know why?” I hesitate for another instant. I wonder where I am-- is this a large building? The computer said it was a tower-- and I’m clearly on the ground floor. It would take me seconds to reach the top floor at my speed, and it said they’re in danger… My God, they’re in danger-- my mind races on, I refuse to absorb that, refuse to contemplate it, or I know I’ll stop and think and be too slow to help them. I need to think… I need to think.
“Why?” I ask aloud, swallowing hard. There’s a moment of pause, where nothing happens. For a long instant, I think it didn’t hear me. This is a waste of time, I need to…
…And then something smashes into my mind with the force of a hurricane, and I fall to my knees.* * * “Whadda we do Da-- I mean, Flash?” I ask, but dad’s already run ahead and I quickly run to follow.* * * “C’mon, Mel, you can’t just hold up the game because you think…”* * * ….Somewhere out there, there’s a driver who I’m really, really grateful to. Because he nearly hit a little girl with his car by accident, and I happened to be in the area to save her…* * * “Goodbye, you two! I’ll be back before you know it… literally…” I catch one last glimpse of my wife waving to me as everything vanishes in a blur of light…* * * …so Malcolm, who never became a speedster, died without ever continuing the Thawne line, and the Flash dynasty was never created-- and, over four hundred years later, there was never a Flash to save a young girl from a tragic accident on a busy road. * * * And they’re gone.
All of them.
And there’s nothing I can do.
Nothing at all. * * * My mouth is open and dry, and suddenly I can feel my heart pounding in my ribcage. The visions have ended. And I can see it all, I’m living it again through Thawne’s eyes, seeing what he did, all in less than a second. I… I did this. I didn’t mean to, I would never have meant to, but I… I wiped out his family and… and….
“Information Download complete.”
…And then the true meaning of all this sinks in, and suddenly I know I need to reach my family right now, and I run for the stairs as fast as I can.
Because now I know, with absolute certainty…
…Thawne will never, ever stop.
…And it’s all my fault…* * * The woman is trying to speak through her gag, but I ignore her, my eyes closed. So soon, so close… so very, very close. Justice will be done. I will be with Meloni soon, and the false Flash and his family will be dead. The Flash legacy will die. I should feel some emotion at that, I know-- perhaps once, I would have. As a child, certainly, I would have. The child who thrilled at simply being alive, at running. The child who was always going to be the Flash, who laughed and lived. And… and loved. The man I was, I think, is just one more casualty of Barry Allen.
“Make your peace, Iris Allen,” I tell her, my voice flat. “Think whatever you wish your last thoughts to be. You know this is your end-- a courtesy my family were never extended before your husband murdered them. It is time.”
“Iris…” breathes a voice, and it’s my starting pistol. I’m off. * * * I burst from the stairs at full speed, and see her. I want to run to her, to hold her. I see her eyes widen as I arrive, I see the tears prickling them, I see the electronic gag around her. I can’t see Carrie, but I do see Thawne, standing over her, and I run, desperately hoping I can make it…
But before I can come close to Iris, he smacks into me and I’m flung to the ground. In an instant, I’m up again, invigorated, ignoring the pain, trying to zip around, but he’s faster, and again he’s in my way. In a second, I shunt back out of speed mode, and he follows suit.
“Barry Allen,” he says calmly, his face entirely relaxed, in total contrast to me-- I know I must look a wreck. Hell, I am a wreck. I look at those eyes, those dark brown eyes, and I try to see a hint of humanity, a hint of the feelings and the emotions and the terrible loss and love that I know this man has endured. But I see nothing at all.
“Thawne,” I’m panting, my eyes roving, trying to see a way past, but he’s tensed, ready to block. “I know what happened to you… I know what you’ve endured and I… I…I’m sorry for what you think I….”
“...Sorry?” Thawne repeats. “Are you?” I might have expected emotion; anger, rage, aggression. Even offence. Something-- Hell, a punch. But Thawne doesn’t seem the least bit concerned, his voice completely dead. “I’m not sure that’s true.” He pauses for a moment, and then adds simply, “But you will be.” My breathing hastens, and I almost unconsciously start to vibrate, bouncing on my toes rapidly, desperate-- I can see Iris struggling against her restraints and oh God, I want to be with her… to hold her, to hug her, to keep her safe, but I need to focus, I need to--
“You can’t… what you’re doing is insane. You’re not thinking straight, you…”
“You. Destroyed. My. Life. You killed everyone I held dear,” He says in that terrible, soulless, robotic voice, and those words make me shudder, because I can’t deny them. My God… he’s right. He’s right… I can’t say no, I can’t try to defend it, because I did. I didn’t mean to, but I wiped out his wife, and his children, his parents, his friends, his home… everything he ever loved. I wiped it all out. It’s my fault.
“I… it…” I want to tell him that I didn’t want to, that I never, ever intended to, but those words sound hollow in my head, because they’re no excuse. Of course they’re not. How could they excuse anything? Why would he care? “…I know that… that nothing can excuse what I did to you. But I did it Thawne, not them. My family are innocent. Targeting them is…”
“…is as bad as what happened to me?” He repeats, and his eyes narrow just a little. “Exactly. You will know what I knew, Barry Allen. And you will know it-- today!”
I’m in no fit state to fight, and we both know it. I’ve already barely survived a confrontation with Grodd; my ribs are already cracked, and they’re not the only bones in my body. I’m already in pain, already barely strong enough to fight a crook, let alone a villain. But I have no choice. He moves, just a twitch, and I’m away, dashing towards him as he rushes back. It’s like a game of chicken, except neither of us could possibly be more serious, and the stakes are far higher. In the blink of an eye, the two of us charge head to head at one another. There’s no question, I think, of either of us backing down.
He’s closer; metres away, now feet, now he’s on top of me, and at the last instant I duck his outstretched arm and thrust out my own hand to punch him in the gut. He just about dodges it, the edge of my hand scraping his ribcage; and as he turns, I drive my elbow to take him in the back, so that he stumbles just a bit.
First blood to me.
I’m about to turn when suddenly, I see Iris out of the corner of my eye, her expression frantic, and that slows me for a split second.
It’s enough.
Suddenly, Thawne drives his fist into the small of my back, and as I arch in pain, he grabs me around the neck, fingers closing vice--like. I want to shunt into speed mode, but the agony won’t let me concentrate, and…
“This will not be quick,” He tells me, and brings his knee up to strike me again in the spine. I cry out, my mind numb with pain and worry for Iris… I can’t think straight… and the image of my father keeps flashing before my eyes. I have to… “This will not be painless.” He throws me down with a crack, and I shudder. In normal circumstances, this might-- might have been an even fight. But not tonight. Tonight, I’ve been savaged by a murderous telepathic creature. Tonight I’ve seen my baby come into the world, and my dad torn out of it. Tonight, my love, my Iris, and my little girl are both within seconds of death, and I have no prospect of help. Tonight, it takes everything I have to stand up, let alone to fight.
But I can’t… I won’t… give in.
I stir and try to rise, but I feel my shoulder grind in my socket and I choke back a shout of pain as Thawne kicks at the joint. I’m not going to die in some glorious high speed chase, not in some battle at the speed of light. The fate of Barry Allen is not to die saving the multiverse, or to run a final race against a God of Evil. I’m going to die right here. Right now. Centuries from home, in an uneven brawl with a man who has every right to hate me.
And my family are going to die here too…* * * I give a grunt of effort as my foot smashes into his already cracked ribs, and then another as I pick up his broken body, heaving it to one side. He’s hardly in a fit state to fight me; at least Grodd and those other imbeciles were good for something. I wonder how much more he can take-- and how far I should go? I don’t want to kill him, he can’t die yet, not until I’ve opened his wife’s throat before his eyes, not before he learns to feel what I feel. Not until the void inside him is as great as the void which is my life.
I drive my elbow down into his skull-- he opens his mouth, and blood falls out. He’s scrambling at the ground, trying to find purchase, to raise himself, but another strike from my red boot causes him to collapse again. I wonder what he is thinking right now-- is he reflecting on that battle, with Rival? Is he wishing he had put things truly right? Does he realise that I’m right? That he’s going to die? That nothing he can do can stop me. Will he keep fighting, or accept the inevitable?
I suppose that I should care. I should mind whether or not he realises what he’s done. I should harbour an intense frustration at how easy it is; should be shouting at him to fight back, should tell him that he’s pathetic. Or at least, I should derive some satisfaction from inflicting this pain on him. But I don’t. Quite simply, I don’t really give a damn. I don’t care about anything, except that he has inflicted far more pain on me than this physical beating can ever repay. I never expected this to refill the gaping emptiness inside me; because nothing can. And nothing ever will.
I grab his head by the two golden wings, and slam it down into the ground, breaking his nose with a crunch. The floor is a bloody mess now, and all I can hear other than his staggered breathing are the gagged sobs of Iris Allen as she tries desperately to break free of her bonds. Her plaintive cries should stir some emotion in me. They don’t.
Barry Allen is still trying to haul himself up, despite the mauling he has received. He must have a dozen shattered bones; he is bleeding from any number of places, his costume is ripped and gashed, red fabric mingling with his lifeblood. But still he forces himself up, and I let him. I stand back, allowing him to pull himself to his feet and lurch forwards unevenly, his breathing ragged.
And then I snap my fingers at the speed of sound, and the sonic boom sends him flying feet backwards to crash against one wall and slump to the ground, as the building itself trembles. And then, content, I turn to Iris Allen, and slowly, purposefully, stride towards her. It’s her turn.* * * Every inch of my body screams in torment. My left arm hands limp and useless, the ligaments in it shredded. At least four ribs are cracked or worse, and it’s very possible they’ve punctured something. My right thigh is a bloody mess. My skull might well be fractured. I can’t hear from my right ear, and I can feel cartilage shifting in what had been my nose. I can’t even begin to imagine a time when I have ever felt like this.
The idea of quitting doesn’t begin to cross my mind.
Conscious of my breath whistling through my swollen lips, I try to use the wall to brace me and pull myself roughly to my feet. I look up, wiping blood from my eyes. I can barely stand, let alone walk… I slump back down. No… no, I can’t give up now. I have to keep going, I have to reach her. I have to fight, but… but my body won’t listen. It won’t obey. I’m falling, God, I’m falling…
…and in my mind’s eye, I see my father’s eyes widen and then the light go out. I see Thawne’s hand twist around his neck…
…I see Jay, and Max and Johnny and all my friends, who I’ll never see again. I see –Carrie--my God, Carrie… and Iris, and I wish… I wish I could have been strong enough. Could have been fast enough. My eyes are falling closed, and I wish… I….
…And through my one good ear, I hear Iris trying to cry out.
Followed by an unmistakeable thump.
And then my eyes snap open and they are crackling with lightning.* * * I have only time to strike her once when a blitz of golden energy hurls me backwards as though scar by a live wire. Allen… . I scowl, looking around, but I can’t see him anywhere. I thought him too weak; he should not have been able to stand let alone fight; but clearly he had some energy left in him. I race forwards again, shunting into speed mode; I’m easily as fast as he is, far faster with his injuries. I know he cannot stop me. I raise my fist towards the woman…
…before a fist crashes into my face at the speed of sound, and hurls me back.
“No,” says a voice that should not be there.
And the another fist strikes me in the back of the head, and I take a half--step forward only to be met with yet another. But… I… I am in speed mode, my perceptions vastly accelerated to faster than the speed of sound. It… it is inconceivable that I cannot see him. What… is happening?
“Youwillnever….”
A tornado of red energy spins from nowhere to throw me against the wall painfully-- I have no idea what he’s doing, or how he’s doing this. This should not be possible… the only explanation is that he is… he is…. Faster than--
“….evereverevereverever…”
And now a rain of blows are striking me from all directions before I can even raise my arms to shield.
“…hither…”
And as I slump back, he stands over me… and my worst fear is confirmed…
“…Again…”
Barry Allen is glowing with crackling lightning, the Speed Force made manifest, vibrating on the spot, vibrating faster than should have been possible, faster than anything I’ve ever seen, and the expression on his face is so terrible that I shudder for just a second.
For a long, long moment we stare at one another, his face unrelenting. This… this is impossible…. He cannot… no speedster, no speedster can run faster than the speed of light without entering the Speed Force. But he has. He has made the Speed Force come to him, I realise, and my eyes widen at the discovery, feeling actual shock for the first time in a long, long time. He has not entered the Speed Force-- he has channelled it, forced it to work through him. Somehow… when I hit her… he did what no other speedster ever has. He mastered the Speed Force itself.
And no matter how broken, beaten and shattered he might be-- should be, I know in that instant that I cannot get past him. I cannot reach her. I have been foiled yet one more time.
But I still have one card left to play….
Painfully slowly, I stand, ignoring the spasms that shoot down my spine, my gaze fixed on his. He stands still, vibrating at speeds faster than any I have ever seen, his wounds almost invisible behind the lightning that surrounds him, making him glow-- a golden figure in the midst of the darkness.
“Very well,” I tell him. “I won’t.”
And just like that, I leave.* * * I stare after him for a long moment, and then, at last, I let out a deep sigh, and with a shudder, the lightning leaves me, and I feel only deep, inexplicable serenity. My head still feels light, but otherwise, the pain is gone, and I feel only calm…. And then I remember, and in an instant I dash over and rip the gag from Iris, as I check her, to make sure she’s okay, to make sure she’s…
“Barry…” she breathes, and she buries her face in my chest as I wrap my arms around her as tight as I can, so tight that I’m not sure I can ever light go, as I close my eyes and lower my head into her chest, and allow pure, unfiltered relief to wash over me; more relief than I have ever felt in my life. Thank you, God…. Thank you so much… thank you… for this… for her.
“Iris… my Iris… you’re safe… It’s over. He’s… he’s gone.” I don’t know how long we embrace for; I only know that it’s she who ends it, who sags back into the chair she was tied to, and I look down at her, shuddering at the bruise on her temple, but she has no thought for herself, none at all.
“Barry…” she is choked with emotion, as, I realise, I am too, and she gestures at me. I’m confused at first, until I look down, and realise what she must mean. All my wounds, my injuries, my terrible scars; they’re gone, healed over, with no trace that they were ever there. Whatever state of the Speed Force I entered, whatever communion with it I achieved, it repaired my physical form as well... Whatever happened to me will need a lot of thought and a lot of discussion and a lot of explanation. But not now. That didn’t matter. Nothing mattered, except Iris and… and…
“Carrie…” I breathe suddenly, and Iris looks up at me, and a little part of me dies again as I see that bruise. “Where’s Carrie?”
“I thought you’d already….” Iris whispers, and suddenly all my relief and joy and serenity is gone, and I whirl to the glowing computer bank on the wall.
“Meloni, where….”
“With my master,” The computer chimes in that calm, feminine voice.
Oh my God. We’re not out of the nightmare at all, we’re only… and then she makes it far worse.
“…the Cosmic Treadmill in the warehouse.”
I turn and meet Iris’ gaze for a last second. Meloni can only mean the warehouse where Thawne’s Manor used to be before the timeline changed, where he had entered into this universe… I can remember, I saw his memories in Meloni’s databanks, I can remember how to get there… but I can’t leave Iris alone, not after her ordeal, I can’t… “….Go…” she whispers with certainty. “And take me with you.” I don’t question it. I’m off like a shot.* * * I cannot defeat Barry Allen. That thought is a difficult one to process. Never, in all my schemes, in all my planning, did I anticipate that at the end, he would beat me. I do not know how he did it-- I don’t know how he tapped into the Speed Force like that, how he was able to stop me, but he did, and I know for certain that I cannot beat him or touch his wife. Perhaps I cannot force him to know what I did. But I can yet inflict one further tragedy upon him.
I can still claim his newborn.
The child is crying out, a cry that will never be answered. I have ensured that Meloni placed it in an electronic holder designed for the purpose; one which will keep the child alive and function as an incubator. It wouldn’t do for the girl to perish before the time had come. I turn to the cosmic treadmill controls, glad again that I kept the baby here, just in case. Barry Allen will yet know my pain.
I will choose an appropriate date; the Mind--Wars of the 22nd Century, perhaps, or some ancient battlefield. I will wait until he is about to stop me. And then I will let her be lost in time forever, where he will never know where in the timestream she is, or if she had any chance at life at all. He will spend his life hunting for her, seeking closure, seeking to see if he can save her, and he will never find her. A small fragment of what he has done to the people I loved, but the best I can do. Forgive me, Meloni… this was all I could do to avenge you.
I turn to look in the holder and… and I pause for just a moment looking at the little girl, who is no longer crying and stares curiously up at me, head cocked to one side. She’s so tiny… so pink and so very, very frail and there is something almost familiar about her… something I cannot place…
“Carrie!” The voice is that of Barry Allen, and suddenly, I realise I’ve tarried too long. I hit the controls of the Cosmic Treadmill and begin to run, sprinting, cursing myself-- I cannot fail at this. I will make Barry Allen suffer, he will not stop me.
"Warning," the treadmill chimes out. "Power depleted. Only two more time jumps possible." I don't care, I don't care... did Allen here it? It matters not. I only need one jump at any rate.
And suddenly the world is tumbling around me and we are everywhere in time and nowhere, lost in the timestream itself. I shoot a glance over my shoulder as I run…
…and see Barry and Iris Allen, clinging on for dear life, clawing their way up-- each as determined as the other.
“Thawne,” Barry shouts, his voice like thunder as the years tumble around us like rain on all sides. “This. Stops. Now.”* * * I don’t stop to check on Iris, trusting that she can hold on, can pull herself up, trusting that she will be alright. I don’t even bother asking myself if I should have stopped her from coming, because I know nothing could have stopped her. We will save Carrie. We will stop this madman. We will. I scramble to my feet, running as fast as I can, slowly advancing up the treadmill towards where Thawne stands with my child.
“Barry Allen,” he responds grimly, and to my aggravation, there is still not one hint of emotion in that flat, monotonous response. “Nothing can stop this now.”
“Please, Thawne,” Iris tries to reason with him, scrambling up the treadmill, unable to run as fast as us but doggedly making her way towards him, arms outstretched. “We know what has happened to you. You’ve been through terrible, terrible experiences but this is not the answer. We can help you…” She is blinking back tears. “A friend of ours lost everything too, and we’ve helped him to rebuild, to go on…” Max… But for all the passion in my wife’s voice, for all the heartfelt sincerity of it, I know, I know before he even opens his mouth, what his response will be.
“Iris Allen. You have…” But it seems Iris knew too, because my wonderful wife, my clever, cunning wife, doesn’t wait for him to finish, but lunges towards him. Of course she can’t hurt him. Of course she can’t reach him. But instinctively, he takes a half--step back-- and slams into the controls of the treadmill, and suddenly we’re falling, and colours surround us and we’re spinning out of control through time, coming down somewhere in the timestream, and then we’re in a city and….
“No!” Thawne shouts, and grabs Carrie, raising her on high.
“No!” I shout, and charge, intensifying my speed, dashing across the short length of the treadmill to stop him.
“No!” Iris shouts, and tries to lunge again, tries to reach him, to reach Carrie, before he can do it, before….
And then he throws his arms forward and the baby--carrier falls forwards, and I struggle to reach it, desperately hoping, and everything is in slow motion. The carrier is tumbling and I’m ever closer, and I can feel the tips of my dingers just brush it… before it falls away completely and into the timestream, taking my beautiful, newborn baby with it.
Lost in time.* * * For the first time that I can remember, elation floods through my body, and I scarcely care as Barry Allen slams into me, knocking me to the ground. She’s gone… I did it. It doesn’t matter what happens now. He can kill me, or not, anything can happen-- his child is gone, and his pain will be great. He is shouting in anger, as is she, and she’s crying something at me but I don’t hear, or care. I slump, finally able to relax for the first time in years. He is slamming his fist into the controls and we’re spiralling out of control, and suddenly the Cosmic Treadmill is moving through the world in slow motion, and Barry Allen, Iris Allen and I watch the world play out together.
We see the baby carrier slam onto the ground in a field somewhere in time. We see a man and a woman who look vaguely familiar come across her. We see them pick her up, wondering where she came from-- and the look of heartbreaking sorrow on Iris Allen’s face is enough to tell me I have succeeded. Time is accelerating, racing ever on-- she has been adopted by the couple, she is growing up in a family not her own, she is at school, she has moved to the city with her ‘parents’, she is a teenager…. Barry and Iris Allen are watching their little girl grow up without them before their very eyes, and I could not possibly have planned this to work out better. A smile almost-- almost comes to my lips.
And he will know the sorrow I felt after all. There was just one way to make it more complete. Their attention distracted, enraptured by what they see, they do not turn, and they cannot stop me from turning a single dial on the control panel of the Treadmill-- the panel is sparking now, its power failing after what Barry Allen did to it, but I don’t care… and suddenly, as I had planned, the treadmill re--materialises in time.* * * My heart is screaming out in agony as I hold Iris close, both of us too transfixed by what we are seeing to move. Carrie… it’s our Carrie… thrown into time, with those strangers, our little girl, our baby, growing up so far from home, without us… without… and then we come to a sudden halt and are jerked forwards, and a thousand sounds hit me at once.
“…about my grades when it’s…”
“..for home anyway, because…”
“…bye, Mel! See you tomorrow!”
“…like him, he’s always…”
I shunt into speed mode to try and grasp what’s going on-- Thawne has pulled us back into ‘realtime’. A single glance tells me that we’re somewhere in the future… in fact, the entire setting looks vaguely familiar from the memories of Thawne I saw, telling me this must be around the 23rd Century. We’re just outside a high school, with milling crowds… there are students, teachers, cars, pedestrians, cyclists…. And then I see Eobard Thawne sprinting forwards, a twisted expression of utter fanaticism on his face, and I look up to follow his gaze… and my blood freezes.
My daughter, now around 16, stepping out onto the road to cross it. He’s heading straight for her. He’s going to kill her… he’s going to kill her before my very eyes. He’s going to kill her after she’s grown up without ever knowing Iris or I… without knowing who she is, without us ever holding her, without…. I accelerate, trying to reach him, my hand outstretched. I’m going faster than he is, and I know I can catch him, I know he won’t be able to reach her before I do.
And he knows it too, and at the last moment, he stops completely, and it takes me an instant to see why. He has given all of his speed to a car driving down the road, a car which suddenly, unexpectedly, accelerates to six times faster than its engine is capable of going… straight towards my daughter….* * * He realises what I have done and runs on, straining, hoping to catch her, but I know, I already know that he won’t reach her. I know I have done it, I have succeeded beyond my wildest expectations. I have shown him his daughter’s life without him with it, and then I have ended it. The torment he knows will be comparable only to… to what he has inflicted upon me. I can hear Iris calling from the Cosmic Treadmill, can see the driver of the car’s eyes widening at incremental speed as he tries and fails to stop… I see Carrie Allen turn her head, pony tail swishing behind her, laughing, and then she turns and….
…and…..
And her face is one I would know anywhere.
And suddenly I want to vomit, and for the first time that I can remember, a thousand conflicting emotions swell up within me and everything slots into place--
…She’s so tiny… so pink and so very, very frail and there is something almost familiar about her… something I cannot place… …We see a man and a woman who look vaguely familiar come across her… …Somewhere out there, there’s a driver who I’m really, really grateful to. Because he nearly hit a little girl with his car by accident…. …over four hundred years later, there was never a Flash to save a young girl from a tragic accident on a busy road. … “…bye, Mel! See you tomorrow!”
….Carrie Allen is Meloni Thawne.
And I’m the one who killed her… * * * My father is dying before my eyes again.
The world is falling apart in slow motion and I’m just not fast enough. I can see him in my mind as I run to save my daughter from a fate I already know is coming. Carrie’s face and my father’s merge into one in my mind, and both seem to glare at me accusingly. I couldn’t save him… I cannot save her. The car draws closer. The driver’s eyes have widened.
…and somewhere else in time, Eobard Thawne’s fingers are clenching around my dad’s neck.
I run, I shout, as I know I’m doing elsewhere in time. I pump my legs as fast as I can, trying, trying to reach, to help her, to shove her out of the way, knowing-- knowing that I can’t. But I must. Because even though I can’t, I do it anyway. Even though it’s impossible, I run anyway. Because I’m the Fastest Man Alive. Because I’m fast enough.
Not ‘always’. It has nothing to do with ‘always’. When this wretched adventure began, when Thrawn first attacked me months ago, before Max, when he got my dad into an accident, I knew that the Fastest Man Alive isn’t always fast enough. But no generality, no absolute. The Fastest Man Alive may not always be fast enough. But I just know…
That when it matters…
…right here…
…right now…
I am…
Then the world cuts in again and in the blink of an eye I shove Carrie out of the way and we both crash to the ground on the opposite side of the car. She’s breathing heavily and hard, stunned, already whipping around to see who saved her, and a flood of elation rushes through me, and I shudder in delight. I saved her. I did it. I was fast enough. But it’s replaced in an instant by something else, as I remember….. Thawne.
And then I’ve left her looking around, wondering who saved her, and I’m facing off against Thawne, fists balled… but it’s right then that I notice the expression on his face.
And for the first time that I’ve known him, there’s emotion there. A deep, heart--crushing, all--consuming sorrow.
“Your daughter, Allen… your daughter…” he murmurs.
“You’ll never touch her again,” I warn, but that just causes him to convulse, shaking his head in horror. He seems to be having a fit-- I have no idea what’s happening. Passers--by are pointing at us and shouting, but I have no time for them-- Iris is running over to join me, when Thawne looks up again, his eyes haunted.
“She’s Meloni, don’t you understand?” He hisses. “She’s Meloni.”
For a second-- just a second-- I don’t get it. Then clarity strikes me like a bolt of lightning and my jaw falls.
No…* * * I tried to kill the love of my life on the night she was born.
I murdered her grandfather.
I kidnapped her and her mother. I focused every bit of hatred in my body against her father.
It all makes so much sense now, I think dimly. In all timelines, in all realities. Carrie Allen fell through time and was raised in the future, as Meloni… and in some she met Eobard Thawne and in some-- like this, like the ‘real’ timeline, she did not. And I… I tried to kill my beloved in order to avenge her own death.
For the first time in oh so long, I laugh-- a bitter, ragged laugh, as Allen comprehends the truth, and its implications. My whole life…. My whole life has just been one sick joke. One hideous, horrible lie. I should have died with my world. I should have perished when she did, when they did. Instead I lived on, to wreak their vengeance on the woman I loved more than anything else in the world. I thought maybe I was saved for something. Now I know my salvation too was just a temporal joke.
“Allen…” I murmur, and both he and his wife look up at me, unsure what to say, their eyes wide. “I… I….” I’m shaking violently, every molecule of my body vibrating in and out of existence. I can’t… I need to…. It’s not… “I’m sorry.”
Then I turn and run. I can hear him shouting, hear him pursuing, but it’s too late-- he can’t possibly catch me now. I’m running at speeds which he has only run at once in his life. Lightning explodes around me and I run just as he ran not all that long ago, at speeds passing those of sound, the world erupting all around me. I close my eyes, surrendering to the embrace of the Speed Force, tears streaming from them to be incinerated by the super--friction.
It’s all I can do now.* * * “Goodbye, you two! I’ll be back before you know it… literally…” And Meloni rolls her eyes and shakes her head, but she’s laughing a bit as she does it, and I lean into a hug.
* * *
I’m running into the light, into the Speed Force itself, but Meloni – my Meloni-- is dead, and there is no tether to bring me back.
* * *
After a second, I move to kiss her, but she shakes her head. “We’ll save that for later,” She tells me lightly. “So you have a reason to come home.”
* * *
I can never come back from the Speed Force.. I can never be with her again in this world. The world around me is blurring now-- it is fading.
* * *
And I’ll be back before they know it. I catch one last glimpse of my wife waving to me as everything vanishes in a blur of light, and suddenly I can hardly wait to be back with her again.
* * *
But perhaps…. Perhaps at last…. I can finally be with her again in the realm beyond.
* * *
And a father! God, I can only think as I make the leap….
* * *
Reality tears itself to shreds.
I run forever.
* * *
I’m the luckiest man ever.
* * *
My name was Eobard Thawne.
And once upon a time, I was the Flash.
The Fastest Man A--
…
…
…* * * “Thawne?” Iris asks the second I come back into view again, but my expression must say it all. He’s dead, I tell her with just my glance, and she drops her head. We both share a moment of silence, neither of us quite sure what to think. He murdered my father not hours ago, he tried to kill my wife and my daughter but…. But…
If that had happened to Iris and Bart and Carrie, would I have become him? I nearly had, back at the hospital when I thought they were gone, I knew. I’d nearly…. I… I’d nearly…. Noiselessly, I cross to the cosmic treadmill, wanting to avoid Iris’ glance. ”Warning,” it says crisply-- as I knew it would. “Power left for only one journey.” There is silence.
“What about Carrie?” I ask quietly, not lifting my head, but as Iris raises her gaze to mine, there are tears in her eyes.
“You know,” She says solemnly. And I find there are tears in my eyes too.
“We could take her back,” I say, trying to persuade myself as much as her. “This isn’t her time. She’s our daughter, Iris, she should be raised by us… we could find her where she fell in time, bring her back, we could…”
“Barry…” Iris crosses to me and looks at me for an instant, her eyes wide. “One journey…” she says. My mouth is dry.
“So… we find where we dropped her. We live in the 23rd century, we raise her here, we take care of her, we…”
“And Bart?” Iris asks. “And Jay and Max and Johnny and Jesse and all our friends? We just abandon them? Barry, it… we need to…” She tails off. We’re both silent for now, and she buries her face in my chest. I lower my head. For a moment we forget the 23rd century hustle and bustle around us-- the traffic and the children and the adults. We forget about poor Eobard Thawne, and about my dad and even Jay and Bart and Max and Johnny…. for a moment, we’re in the eye in the storm, and it’s just Iris and I… just us. And then…
“Hey, uh, dude? Whatever your name is? Thanks for, y’know, the save back there,” mumbles a girl’s voice awkwardly from behind me. I freeze. I can’t bear to turn, can’t bear to look at her. It would just make this so much… I couldn’t.
I shunt into speed mode, lending Iris my speed so that she can come there with me, and now it’s just the two of us moving at the speed of sound, with the world around us at a crawl. I look into Iris’ eyes again, and I can see a little part of her dying within.
“We can’t,” she says quietly. She won’t look over my shoulder either. “You know that. She’s been raised her. She has a family, and friends who love her. She has a life here, a happy one. You want to drag her back to the present, to an uncertain future….”
“She…” I cough, trying to clear my throat. I can hardly meet Iris’ eyes. “She doesn’t belong here…. She doesn’t…”
“Maybe…” Iris muses, catching herself, trying to stop a thousand emotions from spilling into her voice. “Maybe she does… maybe, if she’s… if she’s Meloni, then that means she always ended up here. In all the timelines. Maybe it’s… it’s fate.”
“Fate?” I whisper. That can’t be right. Fate can’t be so cruel. It can’t want to take my daughter away from me. Not when I just lost my father. Not… not…
“Maybe… Iris breathes. She closes her eyes, and I ball my fists, desperately trying to prevent tears. “And maybe… maybe, if Thawne was right, then this does at least mean we can give her… give her the best gift any parents can give their child. The one gift that any other parents can never guarantee.” It takes me a moment to comprehend what she means, and then I understand exactly.
That just leaves one more thing. Together, wordlessly, we turn around.
And Meloni… Carrie… stands there, frozen in time, mouth half open, head slightly cocked to one side. She’s pretty, I reflect, and not wearing too much make--up either which is always…. always good for.. for… I scuff my eyes with my sleeve, desperately trying not to weep… trying… oh God, trying, but it’s all been so….
We embrace, all three of us, for the very first and the very last time. Iris and I hold each other, and our daughter, our baby, close, as though we were the last refuge in a storm. It’s a moment that lasts an eternity, but that lasts far too short. I run my hands through her soft brown hair, along her smooth skin. I glance into her eyes-- blue, piercing blue, just like mine…. she’s going to be a fine girl, I can see. A fine… a… a fine girl. I swallow a lump.
And then all too soon, we’re both stepping back, Iris and I, our hands tightly, clasped, back towards the Cosmic Treadmill, and neither of us can speak, and neither of us dares to look back, to see our daughter, our little teenage daughter, who should only have been a baby, who grew up without us in the future.
And I’ll never see her speak her first word.
“We could visit her,” I try to say, but Iris is shaking her head, her eyes pleading with me, and I know she’s right. Don’t make this any harder, she’s saying silently. I clear my throat and I step on the treadmill.
Never see her take her first step.
“Like it said…. just one jump,” I croak, looking down at the controls and the blinking dials.
Never see her first crush. Her first date. Her first break--up.
“Well then,” Iris drapes her arms around me, her eyes prickling with tears. “Make it count.” We’re both thinking of what she said. The best gift that any parent can give… And not just to our daughter, either-- but to someone else who deserved it.
Never hold her. Touch her. Embrace her. Comfort her. Celebrate with her.
“Computer,” I ask with a hoarse voice. “Under the current timeline, Malcolm Thawne died alone before he could marry the woman he was supposed to and father the Thawne line with her. When did this happen?”
There was a beep, and then it came up on the display. “That’s a month after….” Iris begins, and trails off. She doesn’t want to say the day… the day Carrie was born.
Will she get married? I’ll never see it if she does. I won’t see the kids, my grandchildren…. she’ll never know who I am. Who I was.
“What do you reckon?” I turn to her with a brave smile. “Do you think we can afford to miss a month of our lives? Go back to our time a month late?” She smiles, a sad, sad smile.
“Our friends and family will miss us.
“They’ll wonder if we’re dead…”
“Keystone and Central are suffering massive damage…”
“Your… your dad’s funeral.”
“And my identity’s public…”
“…and there’s Warden Wolfe…”
“…the Rogues are back in town…”
“We’ll face it,” I say at last. “Together. Like we always do” And her smile widens just a bit through her tears. “Bring us there, computer,” I order. For one last moment as it warms up, we look over at our daughter. So pretty, so tall, so… so wonderful. My darling. My baby. My Carrie.
“Goodbye, Carrie,” I whisper, and I feel Iris squeezing my hand tightly.
“We love you…” Iris breathes through her tears.
And then the world around us vanishes and Carrie is gone.
And I’ll never see her again.
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